Seriously?

WHY?!Why do I enjoy this so much?!
Dang you, nickelodeon.

"I like to laugh. I think everybody should laugh more often. That's what helps to keep us sane..." Lloyd Alexander

Isn't Lloyd Alexander just a doll? I think he is one of the greatest YA authors in the world. For my Eng 420 class, we have to pick a YA author and do a presentation about him. I just finished reading the Prydain Chronicles this summer by Alexander. And I just adore him. The more I learn, the more I gush. There is an exhibit in the HBLL dedicated to him, with all of his stuff. I just adore him. Don't get me started. I have a ton of material and could go on for awhile.

Anyways, I came across his quote, which I used for the title. I like to laugh, obviously, but I have noticed something rather distressing about my giggle...

It's disappearing!

Something else is taking over, this dry, tired sort of ha-ha.
I am not pleased.

I feel like I have been kind of angst-y. Or maybe that is the stress talking. It could be. I don't really know anymore. I feel like I keep going and going and I am getting nowhere. I don't know what to do about.

I mean, there is nothing that I can really do, you know? I have to go through school. I have my duties and obligations to fulfill. I don't want school to be one of those things that I grit my teeth and struggle through looking on to better things because that is part of trying to find joy in the journey, learning to enjoy your circumstances now.

But what if they don't get better? Then I would be in a real pickle, to not have enjoyed college just to find out that the rest of my life is going to be pretty much the same dull battle.

Gah! I just don't know what to do.

I think I miss hugs. I used to be the kind of person that would hug everyone and everybody. I still do, but I have noticed a significant decrease in the frequency in which I receive hugs. Especially in the good, strong kind. You know? Hugs don't always have to mean, "Hey, I really like you!" They could just mean, "Hey, you are a good person and I don't mind being so close to you."
I miss that.
I miss knowing that people seek my company because they want it, not because they want something or because they feel obligated. I miss being sought after. I feel like I am doing all the chasing here, both in the romantic and platonic sense.

I guess it's time to get back to basics. I am going to try and rejuvenate here, as much as possible, considering that school doesn't really care if you need a time out moment. I think I can do it.

I will let you know how it goes.

Anyways. Don't let this post get you down. That wasn't the intention. It's just me venting. Sometimes I just need to write it all down and release it out into the great unknown of cyberspace instead of bogging down human ears. Hopefully, this is the end of angst-y kiera, and we can get back to the giddy, giggle-y, joyful, and (hopefully) peaceful Kiera.

Actually, I think the angst has something to do with all the YA lit I have to read this semester for 420. Hmmm...

I might be on to something here...

Teenagers are such drama queens. The books they read do nothing to contain that. It's an emotional roller coaster from the very first sentence to the very last chapter. Think about it. If you know any aspiring YA authors, tell them to lighten up on the hormones. There is only so much readers can take.

Trust me.

Let's Start a Winning Game

"Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game." Goethe

This semester might been one of the daring-est ideas that I have had so far, even though it is threatening to bring me down, even before it starts.

I thought about having conniptions over the fact that I wasn't sure if I could add a class that I really needed. But then an opening came up and I got it. Then I found out that the class required 23 novels to be read over the course of the semester. 23 novels! For ONE class!

Alas, I can't freak out too much, seeing as it is vital for my graduation plans. Besides, they are young adult fiction, so they can't be too hard to get through, right?

What is really killing me right now is my TA jobs. I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but I have done so much and class has not been in session yet!

18 credits, two jobs, etc, etc.

Shannon made a good point the other day, saying if we had just skipped the past two years, jumping from freshman to where are we are now, we wouldn't be able to handle it. Experience, although hard at the time, is one of the ways we are able to handle our current situations. And one little ray of hope, it only gets harder from here on out.

Lovely.
Something to look forward to.

Although, I am getting to the point where I don't really want to think about the future. I have most of the next year planned out down to the last T crossed and the last I dotted. But there is just so much that could go wrong!

What if my last semester of classes don't fit properly in a cohesive schedule? What if I don't get enough money to go to Norway this next summer? What am I supposed to do when I graduate? What if I don't find a job? Where am I supposed to go for graduate school? What should I study in graduate school? Where do I even start?

It's questions like these that are getting me a little apprehensive/stresssssed on this, the eve before the new semester.

If we take a doomsday approach to things, it's like the beginning of the end, you know?

Or

We can be optimistic like my lovely friend Goethe here and think positively.

THIS year is the start of something wonderful.
THIS year is going to be full of friends, learning and new opportunities.
THIS year I will become a better person than I am today.

I WILL survive.
And stay alive.
With love,
:)

I have got to stop watching teeney-bopper tv.

I am so ready for school to start...
I am spending too much of my time watching nickelodeon television.
I am starting to think life should be one wacky, drama filled, fashion-fest.

I am so ready to be a grown up again.

...sorta...

"Bread is the warmest, kindest of all words. Write it always with a capital letter, like your own name."

I am contemplating a serious subject this beautiful Sunday afternoon. Very serious, indeed. The subject today is food. More specifically, Bread.


Many of you may wonder, why today? Why Bread?
Well, like my somewhat good friend Emily Dickinson here, I am contemplating making it.

"I am going to learn to make bread to-morrow. So you may imagine me with my sleeves rolled up, mixing flour, milk, saleratus, etc., with a deal of grace. I advise you if you don't know how to make the staff of life to learn with dispatch."
Emily Dickinson

*saleratus is baking soda, used to make the bread rise, fyi.

And also like Emily Dickinson, I advise you that if you don't know already how to make bread, learn immediately. Nothing will bless your home, family and mental health more than to learn how to make bread from scratch.

NO CHEATING.

Breadmachines=cheating.
People have made bread for THOUSANDS of years without some utterly non-essential machine making bread for them.

Find a recipe.
Mix it together.
WITH YOUR HANDS.

It is a sticky, messy, fantastically glorious exercise and you will become a better person, I guarantee it. If you don't believe me, listen to M.F.K Fisher.

"[Breadbaking is] one of those almost hypnotic businesses, like a dance from some ancient ceremony. It leaves you filled with one of the world's sweetest smells...there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation in a music-throbbing chapel. that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread."
M. F. K. Fisher, 'The Art of Eating'

(I didn't know who M.F.K. Fisher was either, before I posted her quote, but in case you were wondering, she was a well-respected author who wrote a lot about food. Now I am interested in reading more about her. I think she's making a lot of sense here.)

You are certainly welcome to imagine me covered in flour from toe to tip, because that is usually what tends to happen. EVERY TIME. And yet, I continue to make it. Sometimes, I even make bread in black clothes, which you would think a normal person endowed with a even a little common sense would realize that white flour shows up really well on black clothes. And yet, I have yet to learn.

Why do I continue to do it? There are many reasons. Top of the list is that is just tastes so GOOD. Seriously, if you haven't had the pleasure of eating real, homemade bread, you haven't really lived. (Also, if you have not ever had homemade bread, please tell me so I can make you some. No one should ever live without real bread.) Other reasons include it's relaxing, fulfilling, and a great way to serve somebody. It's really lovely to go up to someone and hand them a warm loaf of bread. It's a great connection between you and them. You put a lot of time and effort into that bread. The recipient is going to spend not quite as much time eating it, but they will certainly be enjoying it as much as you enjoyed making it. At least, that is what I have noticed. Nothing smells quite like home, as fresh bread baking.

"The smell of good bread baking, like the sound of lightly flowing water, is indescribable in its evocation of innocence and delight."
M. F. K. Fisher

Anyways. I will leave you with these thoughts. Make bread. Be Happy. And remember, the best bread is the kind you make at home.

"Without wishing in the slightest degree to disparage the skill and labour of breadmakers by trade, truth compels us to assert our conviction of the superior wholesomeness of bread made in our own homes."
Eliza Acton, 'Modern Cookery for Private Families' (1845)

Also, it's rude to preach without offering some sort of redemption, so I'd thought I'd share some of my favorite bread recipes. Both are delicious and satisfying.

White Bread (approx. 2 loaves)
6 cups flour
2 Tablespoons sugar
(almost) 1 Tablespoon salt
1/2 cup powdered milk

yeast mixture: 1/3 cup warm water
1 teaspoon sugar
2 Tablespoons yeast

Directions: prepare yeast then combine dry ingredients together in breadpan. When yeast is ready put 2 cups water, yeast mixture, and 2 good sized globs of shortening into the dry ingredients. Mix bread until it does not need any more flour. Knead for 10-12 min more. Cover and let rise for 2 hrs. Punch down and divide into 2 loaves. Put loaves into pans and let rise for 40 min. Bake at 425 for 15 min, then turn down to 275 for 30 min. Remove read and butter immediately. Serve Hot!

Sweet Roll Dough
3/4 cup scalded milk
3/4 cup warm water
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons yeast
2-3 large eggs
3/4 cup shortening or butter
5-6 cups flour
2 teaspoons salt

Directions:
Dissolve yeast in warm water (add a little sugar to help the yeast to grow). Stir in milk (after you scalded it), sugar, salt, eggs, shortening, and 2 1/2 cups flour. Mix together, then add the rest of the flour. Knead and let rise for 1 1/2 hrs. Shape in whatever kind of rolls you like best. (I always make Parker House style which involves rolling out the dough, cutting it out with a large cup like sugar cookies, then folding them in half and baking them, also this is the same recipe I use for making cinnamon rolls, so you could make them too.) Let rise 30 min. Bake at 375 for about 10 min or until golden brown.

"Long Goodbye"

("Long Goodbye" by The Nadas)

This is the best song in my universe right now.

I am not kidding.
When I am not playing it over and over again on my ipod, I am watching it on youtube.
I am fairly certain that a big portion of the views have come from me, but I feel very strongly that it needs to be watched a lot more by more people.
So watch it people!

I love their sound.
I love the mixture of strings and guitars and drums.
It's so delicious.
And soothing.

And if you are interested, Amazon mp3 has the "Long Goodbye" for free as well as all of their other songs for a price.

Enjoy!

And the award goes to....

Utah gets kudos for the sunsets.
Seriously, I haven't been able to stop looking at the sky the past couple of days. Doing so makes walking kind of difficult.
But it is so pretty!!!
Brilliant colors, fantastic shapes, constantly changing.
It puts me in raptures, I tell ya.
Clouds. Who knew?!