Sunday, September 12, 2010

"I like to laugh. I think everybody should laugh more often. That's what helps to keep us sane..." Lloyd Alexander

Isn't Lloyd Alexander just a doll? I think he is one of the greatest YA authors in the world. For my Eng 420 class, we have to pick a YA author and do a presentation about him. I just finished reading the Prydain Chronicles this summer by Alexander. And I just adore him. The more I learn, the more I gush. There is an exhibit in the HBLL dedicated to him, with all of his stuff. I just adore him. Don't get me started. I have a ton of material and could go on for awhile.

Anyways, I came across his quote, which I used for the title. I like to laugh, obviously, but I have noticed something rather distressing about my giggle...

It's disappearing!

Something else is taking over, this dry, tired sort of ha-ha.
I am not pleased.

I feel like I have been kind of angst-y. Or maybe that is the stress talking. It could be. I don't really know anymore. I feel like I keep going and going and I am getting nowhere. I don't know what to do about.

I mean, there is nothing that I can really do, you know? I have to go through school. I have my duties and obligations to fulfill. I don't want school to be one of those things that I grit my teeth and struggle through looking on to better things because that is part of trying to find joy in the journey, learning to enjoy your circumstances now.

But what if they don't get better? Then I would be in a real pickle, to not have enjoyed college just to find out that the rest of my life is going to be pretty much the same dull battle.

Gah! I just don't know what to do.

I think I miss hugs. I used to be the kind of person that would hug everyone and everybody. I still do, but I have noticed a significant decrease in the frequency in which I receive hugs. Especially in the good, strong kind. You know? Hugs don't always have to mean, "Hey, I really like you!" They could just mean, "Hey, you are a good person and I don't mind being so close to you."
I miss that.
I miss knowing that people seek my company because they want it, not because they want something or because they feel obligated. I miss being sought after. I feel like I am doing all the chasing here, both in the romantic and platonic sense.

I guess it's time to get back to basics. I am going to try and rejuvenate here, as much as possible, considering that school doesn't really care if you need a time out moment. I think I can do it.

I will let you know how it goes.

Anyways. Don't let this post get you down. That wasn't the intention. It's just me venting. Sometimes I just need to write it all down and release it out into the great unknown of cyberspace instead of bogging down human ears. Hopefully, this is the end of angst-y kiera, and we can get back to the giddy, giggle-y, joyful, and (hopefully) peaceful Kiera.

Actually, I think the angst has something to do with all the YA lit I have to read this semester for 420. Hmmm...

I might be on to something here...

Teenagers are such drama queens. The books they read do nothing to contain that. It's an emotional roller coaster from the very first sentence to the very last chapter. Think about it. If you know any aspiring YA authors, tell them to lighten up on the hormones. There is only so much readers can take.

Trust me.

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